You can’t see my letterbox because it’s hidden behind the fence and it’s just a little flap. I can go days without checking our mail because I’m so terrified a spider has made his home in there and it will bite my hand off collecting our electricity bill.
My sister gave this to husband on one of her trips up here. It came with a london telephone box also. I’ve sat them on our kitchen window sill and remind me of her every time I’m doing the dishes.
***
I’ve been struggling a bit these past couple days.
Our panel interview has been pushed back to the week after it was supposed to be (nothing to do with us) which means my trip home might have to be moved and I really wanted to hang out with my Dad and Ma and see my sister and hang out with my cousins and spend a little time with my grandparents and see my auntie and tell her she’s a hag…
I don’t want to wait any longer.
I’m sick of waiting. I feel thats all i’ve done for the past 10 years.
Waiting for my period, waiting for it to stop (please God when will it STOP), waiting for fertility treatment, waiting for a positive and only ever getting a negative…waiting to try it all again, waiting for my heart to break and waiting for it to heal.
Waiting for home safety, waiting for interviews, waiting for assessments, waiting for modules, waiting for medical checks, waiting for panel just to wait for children to walk through my door.
I’m just…
done.
And I know that in a few months i’ll look back and think ‘Oh my God, why did you want this again’ when i’m beyond tired and wanting a shower and dealing with children who have their own hearts broken and need love and understanding and dinner on the table.
But for now…
I’m sick of waiting.
+ - 5 comments
Sweetie the wait will be worth while, I might miss some of your posts soon cause I know nothing about RSS Feeds but as long as you keep posting links in twitter I’ll be right.
I do love your little red letter box reminds me of the old fashion ones that some parts of the UK still have & I think we use to have them as well, when my nana was a little girl.
(((( Hugs )))) XXXX Kisses XXXX
you *know* that i understand this post more than i want to. i too feel like i’ve spent the past 10+ years waiting, waiting for a life that may never be mine, that may never come to fruition and while i’ve been waiting, others have been living their lives while mine has been on hold.
the wait will be worth it, i KNOW you know that but right now the waiting sucks and you have every right to be tired of it.
that being said, 2012 will see you enter that elusive [to some] club of motherhood, i’m sure of it!
~x~
It makes my heart ache in sympathy just thinking about all that. I know that kind of waiting well. It will pass, I know it’s hard on you but it will be over and you will feel like a new you and it will, definitely, be worth every second.x
No words Sass! Just that I am truly hoping that soon enough the waiting will be over and you and Lex will finally have the family you have always wanted xx
Waiting sucks so much… You never get used to it. This post was very touching and well written, thank you for sharing.