Brain Dead

After a big day yesterday and then a late night watching Harry Potter with husband and late night conversations with Best Friend I wanted a sleep in and dammit I was GOING to have a sleep in.

Husband went off to work and Moo and I snuggled down for sweet sweet zzz’s.

I was in the middle of dreaming about telling best friend I was harassed by some dude at Bunnings trying to force me into sponsoring a kid through world vision and being weirded out that she also had the same experience at the hardware store.

There we were, in my dream sitting on my balcony slagging of this pushy world vision do-gooder and a bird poo’d on my head.

Best friend looked disgusted as the poo slid down the side of my face and went into my ear and I commenced freaking the fudge out man.

I was jumping around like a lunatic screaming.

and then I woke up.

AND FELT SOMETHING IN MY EAR!

At first I thought that it was my hair or something so I wiped my ear

AND I FELT IT MOVE DEEPER!

Commence freaking out!

I was jumping up and down and screaming and smashing my fist on the side of my head trying to kill whatever was burrowing its way into my brain.

Rushing into the bathroom I turned the shower on and fully pajama’d jumped in and shoved my head under the freezing water to drown the fucker to death.

I could actually hear it rustling around in there, probably moving ear wax to make way for his sofa and coffee table and then with an almighty shake of my head a little black beetle fell out of my head.

I’m convinced it’s laid eggs in my head and they are going to hatch and eat my brain and i’ll be one of those people that can’t tell the difference between their there and they’re and spell this as dis and that as dat.

I’ll also start listening to bad Aussie Hip-hop (who the hell listens to that shit? Really?) and i’ll stop dying my roots.

In other words i’m going to turn into a bogan.

From now on, I am sleeping with ear muffs.

And ignoring husband because he pulled the “I told you if you slept with the window open bugs would get in” crap.