Catching up on the photo a day

My poppy ‘fix it’ made this for me when I was a kid. I’ve still got it and I keep all my jewellery in it.

Everytime I use it I think of him.

I’ve spent a lot of time in here recently in the worst endo pain of my life (what am I saying, it’s always the worst pain of my life because it’s pretty much constant)

I don’t remember what it’s like to be pain free.

It makes me into a cross snappy snarly cranky pants and I don’t like the person I am.

I do however love my bed.

Husband won husband of the year 2011 for buying this for my birthday.

It’s amazing and i’m in love.

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After a big day yesterday and then a late night watching Harry Potter with husband and late night conversations with Best Friend I wanted a sleep in and dammit I was GOING to have a sleep in.

Husband went off to work and Moo and I snuggled down for sweet sweet zzz’s.

I was in the middle of dreaming about telling best friend I was harassed by some dude at Bunnings trying to force me into sponsoring a kid through world vision and being weirded out that she also had the same experience at the hardware store.

There we were, in my dream sitting on my balcony slagging of this pushy world vision do-gooder and a bird poo’d on my head.

Best friend looked disgusted as the poo slid down the side of my face and went into my ear and I commenced freaking the fudge out man.

I was jumping around like a lunatic screaming.

and then I woke up.

AND FELT SOMETHING IN MY EAR!

At first I thought that it was my hair or something so I wiped my ear

AND I FELT IT MOVE DEEPER!

Commence freaking out!

I was jumping up and down and screaming and smashing my fist on the side of my head trying to kill whatever was burrowing its way into my brain.

Rushing into the bathroom I turned the shower on and fully pajama’d jumped in and shoved my head under the freezing water to drown the fucker to death.

I could actually hear it rustling around in there, probably moving ear wax to make way for his sofa and coffee table and then with an almighty shake of my head a little black beetle fell out of my head.

I’m convinced it’s laid eggs in my head and they are going to hatch and eat my brain and i’ll be one of those people that can’t tell the difference between their there and they’re and spell this as dis and that as dat.

I’ll also start listening to bad Aussie Hip-hop (who the hell listens to that shit? Really?) and i’ll stop dying my roots.

In other words i’m going to turn into a bogan.

From now on, I am sleeping with ear muffs.

And ignoring husband because he pulled the “I told you if you slept with the window open bugs would get in” crap.

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My office…or MooZoo Headquarters is my favourite room in the house. It’s the only room which is overly girly and pretty as it’s just my room.

I work best in the afternoons and into the evening with smell nice candles and my favourite tunes and the Moo at my feet.

One day, I would like to add an arm chair  in the corner of the room and i’ve been lusting after a small tv that I can attach to the wall so I can watch my stories while I work (or hide from stinky boys)

Whats your favourite room in your house?

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This is Frank.

He came for a visit.

He was all “Sup Sass”

and I was all “Yo Frank, you wanna come and live with me?”

and Frank was all “Nah man, Gotta go pick up some fit birds”

and I was like “cool”

The End.

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Husbands t-shirt and bed head…or when I went to do the grocery shopping…”beach hair”

Husband has full of man flu…again…

My Nephew and Nieces are here on holiday with their father. I get to see them this weekend.

I want to give Bella Bella Isabella a hug and tell her she’s talented and so beautiful and remind her that I’m her bestest auntie forever. No matter what.

I want to give Tashie the biggest squeeze and tell her I lubb her and then I’ll make her dance because she’s amazing…

and then I want to give Zaccy a high five and then teach him how to fix something. I don’t know how to fix anything but i’ll wing it.

And then I want to take them to the Redcliffe Lagoon and swim in overly chlorinated sea water mixed with other children’s wee.

When you put it like that it’s not very appealing…

But it will be awesome… as long as we don’t drink the water.

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You can’t see my letterbox because it’s hidden behind the fence and it’s just a little flap. I can go days without checking our mail because I’m so terrified a spider has made his home in there and it will bite my hand off collecting our electricity bill.

My sister gave this to husband on one of her trips up here. It came with a london telephone box also. I’ve sat them on our kitchen window sill and remind me of her every time I’m doing the dishes.

***

I’ve been struggling a bit these past couple days.

Our panel interview has been pushed back to the week after it was supposed to be (nothing to do with us) which means my trip home might have to be moved and I really wanted to hang out with my Dad and Ma and see my sister and hang out with my cousins and spend a little time with my grandparents and see my auntie and tell her she’s a hag…

I don’t want to wait any longer.

I’m sick of waiting. I feel thats all i’ve done for the past 10 years.

Waiting for my period, waiting for it to stop (please God when will it STOP), waiting for fertility treatment, waiting for a positive and only ever getting a negative…waiting to try it all again, waiting for my heart to break and waiting for it to heal.

Waiting for home safety, waiting for interviews, waiting for assessments, waiting for modules, waiting for medical checks, waiting for panel just to wait for children to walk through my door.

I’m just…

done.

And I know that in a few months i’ll look back and think ‘Oh my God, why did you want this again’ when i’m beyond tired and wanting a shower and dealing with children who have their own hearts broken and need love and understanding and dinner on the table.

But for now…

I’m sick of waiting.

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